Transcript: A series of Venn diagrams on using and not using drugs

A series of Venn diagrams on using and not using drugs

Performed by NJ

I'm so fucking nervous. 

Is everyone else nervous? Yeah. 

I have a PowerPoint. So far it's just shadows. 

Yeah, I guess I'll do a little. Yeah, this is my PowerPoint. 

Might just move this as a little bit of shadow. 

That's what it's called. You know that meme where it's like it's a secret third thing it's like. 

The Secret. Third worst thing. Yeah, I guess I wanted to touch on the fact that as queer people and trans people and people of mixed-race ancestry background. 

Our communities are the best at holding complex opposing truths. 

At all times, and I think that really applies to overdose drug use and choosing to not use drugs. 

And I want to keep that as the theme as we talk about this and for everyone because it's everyone's choose your adventure, et cetera, et cetera. And I'm going to play a little sound and that's going to change the thing. 

Can you hear that? 

Sorry, I'm not texting anybody. 

Ding. So ominous.  

Hello. My name is Naif Jamie. This is a Venn diagram. This is explaining how my name works. It's my legal name. It's my first name. It's so fucking infuriating when you finally. There's a name that you like, and then everyone gets it wrong for the rest of your life. 

This is part of my name. This is also part of my name, and because everyone likes to shorthand things, people call me this. Yeah, this is an example of a dialectic or two things at once.  

Ding, next thing. 

These are my pronouns. This is the Venn diagram of my pronouns. 

These two things. 

Exist at once. 

She, I come from a long line of strong, staunch women and I want to honour that because I like my mum's side of the family and they because gender is made up and having fun with it is cool. 

And she/they just to upset everyone. Every time I email somebody. 

Ding!  

I'm an addict. I identify as one. I use drugs a lot. I like to say that I'm retired. 

And I currently don't and that's chill cause. 

Yeah, as you see, this is a Venn diagram. This is where I currently am. This is where I was and this is what is still happening. 

Yeah, Ding. 

I have a complicated relationship with drugs. This is a Venn diagram about my complicated relationship with drugs. 

From the ages of 15 to 29, both of these things happen quite a bit for me. I had lots of friends and had lots of good times. I was a really cool rock star, but now I'm washed up. 

But I also almost died like heaps and it was super like not a vibe as the kids say, it's super not chill. Yeah. And a lot of those people were not there for this bit. 

People like this bit. 

Has anyone experienced that before?  

Ding. next slide… 

I still think about them a lot all the time. 

This is a positive about drugs. 

This is a negative about drugs and this is the one that got away. 

Yeah, Ding. 

But. 

Ding. 

Then you get to insert your own identity markers here, but as queer trans we contain multitudes or tudes, as I saw a meme call them one time, and I'm sure because of our intersectionality. We're all in therapy. 

And someone has explained dialectic theory to you or you've done DBT. So repeat after me. 

I'm a cluster fuck of contradictions. 

I make mistakes.  

I am lonely and surrounded by people. 

Well, this scary and horrible and simultaneously full of love and light and joy, blah, blah, blah, blah dialectics. 

Ding! 

For example, this is a Venn diagram. 

This is me in the middle. 

It's my cool mom, and this is my dad. He's a total piece of shit, and he actually called me just 5 minutes before this, but that's another thing.  

Ding, do you guys think about gender? Ever? 

Yeah, me neither Ding! 

That one, ding. 

This is an external contradiction. 

Have you ever heard of that band? The world is a beautiful place and I'm no longer afraid to die. Don't. They're awful. It's so insufferable. It's the most emo emo band of all time. But I feel like that's a better name for a band. The world is on fire and a terribly, truly terrifying place ding. 

This is a Venn diagram. 

Yeah. 

This is my origin story. 

And this is. 

People's response to that origin story. 

Ding! 

This stand. Love that. This is a Venn diagram. 

This is my mum. This is my dad and this is me, little NJ. 

How do you say it? 

Niece. Niece Jamie, someone said once was. 

Like, does it stand for knife? 

I'm like, OK, I could get behind that knife, Jamie. 

Like the whole lyric, it stands for knife. You know, lesbians in the room, anyone. 

Ding. 

In my 20s, I played in a lot of really average bands. Some of them were mildly popular. Some of them had, I think what people call social capital and at that time you didn't get paid for doing performances. They just gave you speed. 

Hey, do you want a case of young Henrys delivered to your house? It's like no, I'm unemployed. Please don't do that. And my poor body. Suffered a little bit because of that Ding. 

This is a. 

Really big piece of unhelpful wisdom that I got. 

From my father. We were dirt poor. We grew up in the housing commissions and he was always like I didn't need food. That money could be used on more important things. 

Ding. 

This was kind of my whole vibe. 

I was like. Pretty depressed because of the other Venn diagrams. I don't know if you've seen those ones, and this was the goal and this was the solution.  

Ding. 

This is a little acronym. I wrote a whole presentation and scrapped it on acronyms. This is my dad's acronym is like when you go to a house party, this is the order that you want to rack people stuff. 

Medicine cabinet first. I'm looking at you. The South end of the Central Coast. 

God, they had the best pills, alcohol and jewellery. 

Cash last. Because then you got it? Yeah. It's easy. Just go straight to the source. 

So simple acronym MADURA. 

Ding. 

And this for me was a constant thing that I came up against. 

I would overdose and they'll be like, hmm, where do we put she? They. 

We're not sure where to put her/they. 

Because like is it a mental health thing, or is it a drug thing? Or is it… and depending on how sick and vomiting and crystal meth come down it was like oh, it's mental health oh no its medical. So yeah, that was less funny. 

Ding! 

Woke up in heaps of weird places… who's woken up in weird places? 

Yeah? I once got Narcan at Summer Hill Skate Park, and I felt pretty bad. And then I vomited on my shirt, and I stuffed it into a bin. People really like being here for this bit. 

And I like how connective partying is, and I still, I don't know if you've picked up, but I'm still quite extroverted and I like being around people, and I think gathering and dancing and fucking is the good things. Music's good. But I'm just not very compatible with the other parts. 

And I didn't like this bit. 

Ding. 

Yeah. Then I had all these ethical conundrums pop up. I got called out one time. 

When I was like, back in the day for being bad. Like any capitalist, I was like I'm, you know, I'm a punk guy. Hate fuck and burn the system and… They're like but, you spend all your money on on this and you don't actually give a shit about anyone else. And I'm like, that's something to think about at a later point. 

DING! 

And then that thought unravelled further. 

And I realise that, yeah, I actually do want to exist outside of these systems, and they do kind of they've kind of ruined both sides of my family's lives in different ways. And I really hate the term sobriety, recovery, fucking abstinence. I like this term. 

Because… It sounds more badass mainly. 

But it's, actively choosing to resist. 

These big monoliths, and I think it's queers and trans, and I don't know that's my whole MO with this shit. 

I don't want to conform to any of it. 

Yeah, ding. 

Yeah I just said that, DING. 

This was when I was doing drugs… and this is now. 

And it's exactly the same. The amount of planning and organisation that goes into staying fucked up or not getting fucked up is exactly the same amount of energy. 

Ding. 

Have you seen that meme? I'm really old, but like there's a there's cartoons in the sitting on the bus and it's like everything ends and there's everything ends. 

That's it, that's the bit.  

Ding.  

For me. Why? I've really been really subtle about the Venn diagram aspect is that harm reduction and resistance are the same thing. It exists in this bit. I really hate that in these industries and in these like care industries, they seem to be decided as different things. They're not. They're the same thing. This is my harm reduction. I reduced a lot of harm to myself by making these choices. 

Don't put us in a different box, we don't like boxes?  

Ding. 

This is another really helpful acronym; sit with it Babe, delayed gratification is magical switch gear. 

Ding. 

Repeat after me again. I'm across the fucking contradictions. 

I make mistakes. I'm lonely and surrounded by people. 

The world is scary and horrible and simultaneously full of love and light and joy. 

Blah blah, blah dialectics. 

Ding.